Why Do We Fear Silence?

By Dr. Elaine Dilbeck

The silence is a dark place to be. We take a journey into our minds that lead to places that are dark, full of emotions, full of anger, full of hurt, full of pain. Our minds are where we play out those events, those situations trying with all our might to come out different than what they did. We play every “if” in every way possible, hoping against hope that somehow it will be different when we open our eyes. The silence is worse when it is dark at night when we try to sleep. When not only is the silence deafening, but the room and outside is dark as well. We watch the event play out even more real, now we dream in hopes that we can do in our sleep what we wished we could have when the event had occurred. We awake, having had no rest, with everything just as it was; only now the silence has cheated us out of rest, sleep, with feelings of that the event had played out all over again. We may wake up in a cold sweat, trying to catch our breath, feeling like we have fought a battle. Some nights, we may not be able to close our eyes at all, pacing the floor with our head holding a race of thoughts that we cannot slow down to make any sense of them.

For that person who has lost someone that has loved such as a spouse, parent, or child, wanting to reach out to touch them, hug them, share the good news, or just hear their voice. This is some of the worse silence with some of the worse fear. It is a pain that no one could ever understand; it is a silence that who’s screams are beyond deafening. We find ways to busy our minds in order not to be in that silence. We reach out to others to assist them with their problems, we stay up as late as we can, sometimes longer than our bodies and minds can tolerate, become obsessed with work, school. All of this in hopes that we do not have the face the silence.

This is a poem that God gave me in church one Sunday night in June of 2019:

“I thought I was screaming for help

I thought I was screaming stop hurting me

I thought I was screaming please listen to me

I thought I was screaming why me

I thought I was screaming please make the pain stop

But I found that my mouth was open but no sound

was heard, I found the SCREAMS were only in mind, all I found

was the SCREAMS that I was convinced were being uttered

were only SILENT SCREAMS, SILENT SCREAMS of frustration,

confusion, anger, and why.

SILENT SCREAMS of wanting to die

SILENT SCREAMS of fear.

Then I asked myself if I ever allow myself to hear the

Sound of my pain, my hurt, and my anger; will my mind

remain intact?

Can I stand the sound of all these feelings that I

can’t describe but haunt me every minute of the day

can I stand the sound of my own voice crying out?

the way my body will feel as it feels all the pain of

the past and present.

Am I willing to take that leap of faith, will it be enough?

I have to, I have to, I have to, to release the pain is the

only option that I have, my mind can no longer stand

the SILENT SCREAMS in my head.”

This is what some people are feeling during this time at home. They are having to attempt to stand the silence that they have tried to avoid. Please be kind to one another and encourage those who are having issues right now to seek help. We are truly in this together. It is our faith in our God and our love for one another that will help us to recover.

If you or someone you know needs help, feel free to reach out to me. You can find me on Facebook.

September 4 & 5, 2020 there will be a trauma conference at the Civic Center in Blairsville, GA. Go to www.dilbeckcounseling.com for more details.

May God bless

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